I’m Back!

(And No, I Wasn’t Kidnapped by Laundry Goblins) 🧺

Mar 24, 2025

Hola Cool Humans!!!!!

BREAKING NEWS: Your favorite semi-functional writer has returned from the ~void~! Did you miss me? Or did you just miss my ability to turn “why is this banana sad?” into a 2,000-word essay on fruit-based existential dread? Either way, I’m here. And before you ask: No, I didn’t win the lottery. Yes, I did consider faking my death to avoid replying to emails.

But let’s address the elephant in the room. Or, as I call it, the elephant of unexplained disappearance. (It’s wearing a tiny detective hat. Very suspicious 🧐)

The “Why I Ghosted You” Part (Spoiler: It’s Not Because I Finally Learned TikTok Dances)

First, the unfunny truth: My uncle, a man who was basically my second dad passed away in January. Grief hit me like a Wi-Fi router to the face. Losing him so close to the anniversary of my dad’s passing 11 years ago… let’s just say January was a lot cause I really don’t feel like going into details. Maybe I will write a post about it. Or not. (Before you come at me for writing this in a funny way, joking around HAD been my escape mechanism for the past few week. So please spear me!)

Then February said, “Hold my chaos!” Because SURPRISE MOTHERF**KER - it was the second month of the second semester of my second year of uni. Coincidence? Or a cosmic prank? (I blame Mercury retrograde and my inability to say “no” to 17 group projects.) Catching up felt like sprinting through a maze… blindfolded… while someone yelled, “Plot twist: the maze is a metaphor!”

Actual footage of me at this very moment

Let’s NOT talk about March…

Why I’m Back (Besides My Plants Threatening to Unionize)

Look, I tried to quit Substack. I really did. But then:

My notes app revolted. It’s now 90% unsent rants about “why do socks disappear but student debt doesn’t?”
My cousin’s cat started judging me. (She’s a harsh critic. Demands treats for every draft and a 13 year old cat. So….)
I realized you all are the only people who laugh at my “psychology of haunted toasters” theories. And that’s love. *sigh*

Random Fun Stuff to Prove I’m Still Unhinged

Conspiracy Theory of the Week: Laundry baskets are portals to another dimension. Where else do missing socks go? Answer: They’re living their best lives in Narnia.
New Life Skill: I can now cry and calculate GPA in my head simultaneously. Multitasking!
New Obsession: I am currently obsessed with pink, butterflies and bows.
Important PSA: If you eat cereal for dinner three nights in a row, it’s called “meal prep.” Fight me.

The Big Question: Should I Stick with Spooky Psych Stuff… OR…?

I need your help, folks. Do I:

A) Keep dissecting the trauma of horror movie clowns?
B) Write a cooking column called “Dinner with Demons” (recipes include: Existential Crisis Chili)?
C) Try something completely new, like analyzing the psychology of… checks notes… people who don’t re-rack gym weights?

Vote now or forever wonder what could’ve been.

Final Note: Thank you for sticking around. You’re the serotonin boost I didn’t know I needed. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go explain to my cousin’s cat (yeah the same one) why her memoir (“I Knocked This Cup Over & You’ll Never Guess What Happened Next”) isn’t a NYT bestseller… yet.

Stay weird (and keep those conspiracy theories coming),
Izel 🦋

P.S. If I vanish again, assume I’ve finally perfected my time machine. Past me is definitely responsible. See ya in 3068!

P.P.S. Smash that ❤️ button if you’ve ever cried over a fictional character’s death. We know your secrets.

Also, maybe the subscribe button 🥹

If you bear any thoughts, please unleash them right here 👇

Spooky with Izel

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